Doctor Jokes
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Patient to optometrist: I’m very worried about the outcome of this operation, doctor. What are the chances?
Optometrist to patient: Don’t worry, you won’t be able to see the difference.
Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I’m under such a lot of stress, I keep losing my temper with people.
Doctor: Tell me about your problem.
Patient: I just did, didn’t I, you stupid SOB!!!
Patient: My hair keeps falling out. What can you give me to keep it in?
Doctor: A shoebox.
Patient: Doctor, what should I do if my temperature goes up a point or more?
Doctor: Sell!!
Prisoner: Look here, doc! You’ve already removed my spleen, tonsils, adenoids, and one of my kidneys. I only came to see if you could get me out of this place!
Doctor: I am, bit by bit.
Mavis: My daughter believes in preventative medicine, doctor.
Doctor: Oh, really?
Mavis: Yes, she tries to prevent me from making her take it!
Doctor: Did you know that there are more than 1,000 bones in the human body?
Tom: Shhh, doctor! My dog’s outside in the waiting room!
Patient: Doctor, what I need is something to stir me up; something to put me in a fighting mood. Did you put something like that in this prescription?
Doctor: No need for that. You will find that in your bill.
Patient: Doctor, I think I need glasses.
Teller: You certainly do. This is a bank.
