Doctor Jokes
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This guy goes to the doctor for a checkup, and after some tests, the doctor comes in with a grave look on his face.
Doctor: Well, I have some bad news and some really bad news.
Guy: Well, give me the really bad news first.
Doctor: You have cancer, and only 6 months to live.
Guy: And the bad news?
Doctor: You have Alzheimer’s disease.
Guy: Thank God. I was afraid I had cancer!
Doctor: We need to get these people to a hospital!
Nurse: What is it?
Doctor: It’s a big building with a lot of doctors, but that’s not important now!
Doctor: Nurse, how is that little boy doing, the one who swallowed ten quarters?
Nurse: No change yet.
Patient: Doctor, I think I swallowed a pillow.
Doctor: How do you feel?
Patient: A little down in the mouth.
Patient: Doctor, if I give up wine, women, and song, will I live longer?
Doctor: Not really. It will just seem longer.
Doctor: Did you take those pills I gave you to improve your memory?
Patient: What pills?
Patient: Doctor, I have a serious memory problem. I can’t remember anything!
Doctor: So, since when did you have this problem?
Patient: What problem?
Patient walks into a doctor’s office.
Patient: Doctor, people ignore me.
Doctor: Next!
